Rick Perry

I wrote this a little over a month ago, back when Rick Perry was still all new and exciting and Keri Hilson was...actually, Keri Hilson was still just about as sort of famous as she is now. It's to the tune of the timeless pop classic "Pretty Girl Rock." Enjoy.

Rock, rock, rock

The Republican rock, rock, rock

The Republican rock, rock, rock

Now what’s your name?

My name’s Rick Perry, I’m so very

Texas tough, born and raised on the prairie

Gays wanna marry, that is pretty scary

Next thing you know, it’ll be man on canary

Governed like a fighter, proven as a writer

Give me a chance to make our country’s future brighter

I can beat Obama, heck I killed at the state fair

I sure didn’t break the law with my Christian day of prayer

My name’s Rick Perry, Dems be wary

Just drink beer, you won’t catch me with a sherry

Chest nice and hairy, strong bones from dairy

Firm jaw line, trust me that’ll never vary

We need revolution, I’ve got the solution

Hard work, grit, and a lot of executions

Ready for the White House, please erase all of those doubts

And if you don’t believe me, go and ask the Boy Scouts

I’m in this race, I’m gonna win

Time to save this country from sin

Don’t mock me, I’m electable

My hair just screams “respectable”

Tax cuts, go nuts, that is my creed

And if I lose, we’ll just secede

It’s time to take our country back

We’ll be as stable as Iraq

Hey!

I’m the Republican rock, rock, rock

The Republican rock, rock, rock

The Republican rock, rock

Not George Bush, just the Republican rock, rock, rock

The Republican rock, rock, rock

The Republican rock, rock, rock

The Republican rock

(Let’s slash some funds!)

Think that you can beat me? Hold up, pardner.

Think again.

Streak for winning these things just hit number ten

Critics say I’m reckless, wild, too gutsy

All of that because I threatened Ben Bernanke

People listen to me forthwith

(I’m reforming!)

Those complaints are nothing but myths

(Like global warming!)

I’ll be rational, I’ll cut it out with the “amens”

And if that’s not enough, hey, at least I’m not Bachmann

I’m in this race, I’m gonna win

Time to save this country from sin

Don’t mock me, I’m electable

My hair just screams “respectable”

Tax cuts, go nuts, that is my creed

And if I lose, we’ll just secede

It’s time to take our country back

We'll be as stable as Iraq

I’m the Republican rock, rock, rock

The Republican rock, rock, rock

The Republican rock, rock, rock

The Republican rock, rock

Pawlenty’s out, I’m the Republican rock, rock

I’m Reaganesque, the Republican rock, rock

Check out my pecs, the Republican rock, rock

Romney’s a fraud, I’m the Republican rock, rock

Who is Herman Cain?

I’m in this race, I’m gonna win

Time to save this country from sin

Don’t mock me, I’m electable

My hair just screams “respectable”

Tax cuts, go nuts, that is my creed

And if I lose, we’ll just secede

It’s time to take our country back

We’ll be as stable as Iraq